


Project Boot-y

by Ashimattack



Series: Fragments [5]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-06
Updated: 2016-05-06
Packaged: 2018-06-06 17:05:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6762598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashimattack/pseuds/Ashimattack
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Yeah you really need to stop dragging everybody into your personal affairs,” reprimanded Oikawa.</p>
<p>“Excuse you,” said Kuroo with a hand clutched to his chest in horror, “Zayn’s betrayal was the biggest tragedy of our modern lives.”</p>
<p>“Yeah but the candlelight vigil probably wasn’t entirely necessary,” pointed out Akaashi.</p>
<p>“And the doves were definitely too much,” added in Suga, “sorry.”</p>
<p>“Nothing that involves the police this time, okay?” warned Daichi sternly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Project Boot-y

**Author's Note:**

> In which I use Kuroo as a mouthpiece for my own feelings, as I too am passionate about Shakespeare and was fooled by Niall Horan.

“Okay so you’re probably all wondering why I’ve brought you here today,” Kuroo addressed the other 7 people in the room, “you may be confused or scared, but I’m saying now that this an incredibly important matter.”

“Just tell us what you’re scheming so we can shoot it down already,” complained Tsukishima from where he was currently seated on his favourite couch- the comfy blue one he’d somehow convinced his parents to give them when they first moved in.

“Tsukki this is very important, I wouldn’t have called a dual house meeting if it weren’t of the upmost importance,” Kuroo said in an offended tone.

“If this is anything like the last ‘dual house matter’ I’m going to be so pissed,” warned Iwaizumi.

“Yeah you really need to stop dragging everybody into your personal affairs,” reprimanded Oikawa.

“Excuse you,” said Kuroo with a hand clutched to his chest in horror, “Zayn’s betrayal was the biggest tragedy of our modern lives.”

“Yeah but the candlelight vigil probably wasn’t entirely necessary,” pointed out Akaashi.

“And the doves were definitely too much,” added in Suga, “sorry.”

“Nothing that involves the police this time, okay?” warned Daichi sternly.

“I can’t believe I used to think the K9 unit was cute…” said Oikawa with a shudder, “they’re demons from hell.”

“Hey dogs can’t be evil,” argued Daichi, “they’re chaotic neutral at worst; only those who raise them to be evil can be truly considered as such. And they wouldn’t have been attacking us if we hadn’t been doing something illegal.”

“It wasn’t illegal!” argued Kuroo.

“Then why were the police after us?” asked Akaashi with a raised brow.

“I don’t know, they like to ruin beautiful things maybe?” said Kuroo, “look they won’t be involved this time I promise!”

“I’ll make sure of that,” stated Iwaizumi, “I won’t let it get far enough for the police to get involved this time.”

“Guys can you at least hear me out before you shoot me down so coldly!” begged Kuroo from the front of his dwindling crowd. Akaashi sighed.

“Okay go ahead and tell us,” he motioned for Kuroo to continue and Bokuto gave him a thumbs up.

“Alright, so the other day I was trailing through the internet for pictures of Niall Horan to make my lock screen, you know, normal Tuesday night stuff,” started Kuroo, “when I found this incredible picture.”

“Are you serious,” cut in Tsukishima before he was ‘shushed’ by Bokuto, who was listening intently.

“In this picture he was wearing these really tight black skinny jeans,” continued Kuroo as though he had not been interrupted, “and they were pretty ripped. Like, really impeccably ripped. The kind of ripped where you look at them and just know they spent hours at the gym sculpting these very specific muscles.”

“Can you get to the point?” groaned Iwaizumi.

“Can we all stop interrupting please?” asked Suga pleasantly but with an air of authority behind it that made both Iwaizumi and Tsukishima shudder and retract all thoughts of future interruptions.

“But the way they had been ‘fashionably ripped’ meant that they were an even split, and both knees had been cut out,” continued Kuroo after a grateful smile towards Suga, “and upon my first –very brief- glance I thought he was wearing shorts with knee high boots. And let me tell you. My immediate thought was ‘damn boy, that is such a LOOK. Like, please just lead the way. I will follow you into the dark’ and all that jazz before I realised that I had been LIED to and that he was NOT leading the way for men’s fashion at all. And I was actually really disappointed? I started wondering why don’t men wear knee high boots? Why doesn’t everybody wear knee high boots? Knee high boots are the best, honestly, this comes from the bottom of my extremely deep heart.”

“Not the only thing that’s deep,” interjected Bokuto and Kuroo leant over for a high five while Tsukishima gave them both a disgusted look.

“So where exactly do we come into all this…?” questioned Daichi, who was obviously very puzzled at this point.

“I’ve decided to start a campaign,” announced Kuroo.

“What,” deadpanned Akaashi and Oikawa looked confused.

“Like, a political campaign?” he asked.

“No more like… a social movement,” corrected Kuroo, “like a public works project. It’s called the “Cute Boys With Hot Legs Need To Start Wearing More Knee High Boots Project” or CBWHLNTSWMKHBP for short.”

“That is honestly not any shorter,” interjected Tsukishima but Kuroo just continued his speech.

“And that's where you guys come in! I need help spreading the word, starting everything up and possibly coming up with a catchier acronym. Not necessarily in that order.”

“Rather than coming up with a catchier Acronym, because I don't think that’s going to happen, sorry bro, why don’t you just come up with a catchier name?” suggested Bokuto.

“Good idea!” stated Kuroo, “first order of business: name suggestions.”

“Wait we didn’t even agree to help yet,” complained Tsukishima.

“How about ‘Operation thigh patrol’,” suggested Suga, “since it seems like the main gain from this movement would be more visible thighs.”

“Well I know why you’d suggest that,” said Kuroo with a pointed glance towards Suga’s boyfriend, “but its not all about visible thighs, more about freedom and comfort and power. And also that little slither of lower thigh that may or may not become visible.”

“What about ‘the bees knees’,” suggested Daichi.

“Daichi, you know how I feel about bees,” said Kuroo with a slight glare.

“That you wanted to get some for the house?” asked Iwaizumi confusedly.

“I didn’t say I wanted them for the house I said I wanted them for Oikawa’s car,” corrected Kuroo.

“Wait what,” Oikawa interjected, sounding mildly outraged.

“Also pigeons,” added in Bokuto helpfully.

“Why my car in particular?” asked Oikawa.

“Dude you listen to Gold.FM and it's a crime against nature,” reasoned Kuroo.

“Hey I like that channel,” defended Daichi.

“Case and point,” said Kuroo with a definitive nod.

“Wouldn’t the birds just eat the bees though?” asked Akaashi.

“Or maybe the bees would eat the birds?” asked Suga.

“Alright alright I think we all know about ‘the birds and the bees’,” stated Kuroo, “now can we get back to what is actually important here and name my campaign?”

“I was going to suggest ‘the cutie booty campaign’ but now I’m feeling offended,” said Oikawa as he crossed his arms in defiance.

“Oh calm down, we’re probably not actually going to do it,” said Kuroo, “and that name is terrible anyway.”

“Actually something similar could work,” said Akaashi, “like ‘project booty’ but with a hyphen between the ‘t’ and the ‘y’ in ‘booty’ so its like a combination of both boots and booty.”

“Those are two of my favourite things….” Said Kuroo with a pensive expression, “okay its settled! Project Boot-y is officially underway!”

“Wait so what are we actually doing?” asked Tsukishima.

“Well, we basically have to be the face of the campaign, like kick it off and whatnot,” said Kuroo, “and I’m gonna need everybody’s help on this, no backing out.”

“So… we’ll be wearing knee high boots?” asked Akaashi.

“Yep! All of us are the face of Project Boot-y,” said Kuroo, “except for Iwaizumi, who will be our camera man because he honestly scares me a little bit.”

Iwaizumi looked a little bit pleased with this admission and Daichi looked at Kuroo in confusion.

“Wait so Iwaizumi gets out of this because you’re scared of him but Suga and I still do?” he asked in annoyance, “I thought you were scared of us too?”

“Yes but I feel like Suga will happily go along with it, “ said Kuroo (to which Suga nodded in approval) “and I really need your thighs.”

“I thought this wasn’t about showing thighs?” said Suga.

“Its not!” defended Kuroo, “well not entirely. Besides Daichi’s thighs are a gift to be shared; that’s why I got him some booty shorts.”

“Okay I will wear the boots but there is absolutely no way I’m going to wear Booty shorts,” stated Daichi firmly, Kuroo turned his pleading eyes towards Suga, who just eyed both Kuroo and Daichi shrewdly. Suga and Daichi seemed to have a silent conversation between them entirely through eye brow movements little smiles and frowns (smiles on Suga’s end, frowns on Daichi’s; before they finally seemed to settle on a conclusion. Suga turned to Kuroo.

“Okay Kuroo, he’s pretty firm on not wearing booty shorts but we’ve come up with another idea,” Suga stated, “I’ll wear the booty shorts and Daichi will wear a skirt.”

Kuroo eyed them both for a few seconds before nodding.

“That is a good compromise,” he agreed.

“Hold on, if Mr Refreshing is wearing booty shorts I wanna wear them too,” stated Oikawa, not to be outdone. Suga just smirked at him and Kuroo pouted slightly.

“I sorta wanted you in thigh high socks though,” he said as he chewed his lip and seemed to go over it all in his head, “which work better with a skirt.”

“What if I wear the socks?” volunteered Akaashi with a small smile. Kuroo stared at him for a few seconds before nodding vigorously.

“What about me??” asked Bokuto excitedly, “I’ll wear whatever you like!”

“I was hoping you’d say that!” said Kuroo with a grin, “you’re the most important part! Directly inspired by my inspiration, you’re going to recreate the original look. Loose black shorts that go down to just above your knee so that there’s just that slither of skin visible.”

Bokuto nodded along happily (excited to be taking on a main role in this), while Kuroo turned his gaze towards Tsukishima who eyed him warily.

“No,” he said.

“Oh come on,” said Akaashi, “I’ll bet he hasn’t even got anything that bad for you.”

“Fine what do you propose?” sighed Tsukishima.

“Black skinny jeans,” Kuroo said with a grin, “the tight ones you sometimes wear clubbing.”

“That’s it?” he asked as he stared at him shrewdly.

“Yep that’s it,” confirmed Kuroo, “we’ve got to mix it up you know.”

“Okay fine,” surrendered Tsukishima, “what are you wearing?”

“Same as you,” said Kuroo, “but my jeans will be ripped.”

“What about for the top?” asked Daichi.

“Nothing,” said Kuroo.

“Yeah I’d rather not do that,” said Akaashi with a shake of his head.

“I agree with Akaashi,” said Oikawa.

“What but you guys are all really hot,” whined Kuroo, “so what should it matter?”

“I’m just not comfortable with that…” said Akaashi in a small voice. Tsukishima patted him on the back and whispered something in his ear. Akaashi went a little red and shook his head. Tsukishima nodded and put his other hand over Akaashi’s.

“And I have an image to maintain,” stated Oikawa, Iwaizumi snorted and received a glare for his trouble.

“What if we just wear the shirts we’re wearing now?” suggested Daichi. Kuroo scrunched up his face in thought.

“I kinda want everyone to match a little bit,” he said, “how about everyone wears white on top? It’ll all be black and white that way.”

“So different styles of white shirts?” asked Suga and Kuroo nodded.

“Yeah! Most of us should have a white shirt of some sort here already and Oikawa can just borrow something from…” he eyed everyone for a moment, “Daichi? I don’t really know what will fit you.”

“I’m sure we’ll figure something out,” said Oikawa, “what did you have in mind? This is your vision after all.”

Kuroo looked thoughtful.

“Tsukki and Daichi should wear dress shirts, Bokuto as well but open with a tank top underneath so you can take it off for some shots later,” Kuroo directed, “Akaashi, can you wear that really loose fitting pirate style shirt? Oikawa and I in just tee shirts and Suga… hmm what do you own?”

“I’ll see what I can find,” said Suga and went upstairs. He came down a few minutes later with a fluffy white sweater for himself and a teeshirt for Oikawa, “is this okay?”

“Perfect!” said Kuroo, “its very classy. Plus you can no add whatever other accessories you want.”

“Other accessories?” asked Tsukishima warily.

“Yeah I got you some butterfly clips,” said Kuroo.

“I don’t want to wear butterfly clips,” said Tsukishima firmly.

“I’ll wear butterfly clips,” said Oikawa.

“You would’ve?” asked Kuroo, disappointed, “damn, I was only kidding but if I’d known I would’ve gotten you some.”

“Wait we’re doing this today?” asked Akaashi, “you already have everything ready?”

“Well yeah, I had to order all the shoes online ahead of time,” said Kuroo, “I even got a special pair with a heel just for you Akaashi!”

“Godamit Kuroo I’m not even short,” groaned Akaashi, “cut it out with the jokes.”

“Yeah but you’re shorter than us,” reasoned Tsukishima.

“Everybody is shorter than you!” complained Akaashi, “you’re all really really tall.”

“Yeah, and you happen to be the smallest of us,” said Bokuto with a smirk and a pat on his boyfriend’s head, “so we’re gonna pick on you. That’s just how it goes!”

‘I’m actually taller than Daichi, Suga and Iwaizumi,” pointed out Akaashi.

“Yeah but they aren’t my boyfriends,” pointed out Kuroo, “and I’m also a little bit afraid of all of them and what they’d do if I were to comment.”

All three of the guys mentioned nodded with a smile towards Kuroo, who shuddered slightly and Akaashi just sighed.

“Wait are you afraid of me too?” asked Oikawa hopefully.

“Absolutely not,” said Kuroo with a complete deadpan, “you listen to Gold.FM.”

“So do Daichi and Iwa!” complained Oikawa.

“Yeah but you also have a tattoo of an Alien on your butt,” Kuroo reminded him sweetly.

“Wait, seriously?” asked Bokuto.

“Shut up,” hissed Oikawa as he tried to lunge towards Kuroo, who just cackled, “you promised you wouldn’t tell!”

“So where are these pictures going anyway?” asked Suga.

“Huh?” asked Kuroo from where he was currently hiding behind Bokuto whilst Oikawa made jabs at him.

“Like, how are we going to spread the word and stuff?” asked Suga, “I’m assuming you thought that far ahead…”

“Ahhhh,” Kuroo looked thoughtful for a moment, “The internet? We could put them on Kimi’s instagram since she has the most followers.”

“Hey! Don’t abuse her fame like that!” Protested Bokuto, “she’s not a sell out!”

“Wouldn’t it a bit out of character for her to suddenly start posting pictures of half naked men anyway?” asked Tsukishima.

“Not half naked, we’re going to be wearing shirts,” stated Oikawa sternly.

“It’s still definitely a deviation from her usual selfies,” said Tsukishima with a shrug.

“Don’t we all have instagram anyway?” asked Suga, “why don’t we just all post the pictures? To help spread the movement.”

“Yeah but Oikawa only has three followers,” said Iwaizumi, “so I doubt that’d be much use.”

“Wait seriously?” asked Kuroo, “even Bokuto has more than that and his blog is comprised entirely of shitposts.”

“Hey I work very hard on those shitposts,” said Bokuto, offended.

“I’m not too big on instagram,” said Oikawa, turning away in what might’ve been embarrassment, “I’m more concerned with my blogging and other threads.”

“You have a blog?” asked Daichi, seeming somewhat surprised, “Like an actual blog?” 

“Yeah! I’m on there four hours a day,” said Oikawa proudly while Iwaizumi snorted again, “spreading the word.”

“Is that what we’re calling conspiracy theories nowadays…” Iwaizumi muttered.

“I’m sorry, and how many followers do you have on instagram Mr I-post-nothing-but-pictures-of-dogs-wearing-hats?” snapped Oikawa and Iwaizumi flushed.

“Wait seriously? Can I follow you?” asked Daichi excitedly and Iwaizumi glared at Oikawa.

“Wait, Daichi has instagram?” asked Tsukishima in amusement, “can he even use it?”

“I’ll have you know I have 70 followers,” said Daichi somewhat proudly.

“It sure was nice of your mum to sign up 70 times,” remarked Tsukishima.

“That was unnecessarily harsh,” stated Daichi disapprovingly.

“Guys can we please remain focused!” said Kuroo loudly and everybody immediately turned to give him their full attention. Akaashi looked a little bit shocked.

“How did you even do that?” he asked and Kuroo looked smug.

“I firmly believe that in another life I was a captain,” he stated.

“Like, of a sporting team?” asked Bokuto.

“Nah of like, an army,” replied Kuroo, “or a pirate ship.”

“Looking for the grand line?” asked Oikawa and Kuroo grinned.

“Hells yes I am!” he said and aimed a high five towards Bokuto, who shook his head in return.

“You know we’re always going to be at ends about this man,” Bokuto replied.

“What’s the problem?” asked Iwaizumi, who was pretty confused at this point.

“Bokuto and Kuroo are under the impression that Naruto and One Piece are enemies and that you can only like one or the other,” answered Tsukishima, “personally I prefer Bleach.”

“And Akaashi?” asked Suga, who seemed humoured by the whole thing.

“I really don’t care,” answered Akaashi with a shrug, “I watch whatever they’re watching and have subsequentially seen all three.”

“Heathen,” hissed Bokuto, Akaashi just raised an eyebrow in reply.

“I’m sorry would you prefer to watch alone?” he asked and Bokuto shut up pretty fast.

“Back on topic!” Kuroo was nearly shouting by this point, “are there anymore questions?”

Everybody just stared blankly at him for a moment before shaking their heads; Kuroo grinned.

“Excellent!” he said, “Let’s get to work.”

\--

“Wait so how exactly did Kenma get out of helping us out today?” asked Tsukishima as he flicked through all of the pictures that Iwaizumi had taken on Kuroo’s camera.

He was lying down elegantly on the bed beside Akaashi and Bokuto -the former of which was barely visible from where he was situated beneath the latter- while Kuroo went to the kitchen and got himself a drink.

“Well I went over to ask him but he took one look at my face and slammed the door on me,” said Kuroo as he walked back in with a mug full of something or other. He took a sip of it and winced at the taste slightly.

“What does this taste like?” he asked as he handed it to Tsukishima, who took a sip before also wincing.

“It tastes gross,” replied Tsukishima, “what even is it?”

“It’s that weird pomegranate aloe vera stuff in the fridge,” replied Kuroo, “I think its Oikawa’s?”

“It’s mine actually,” came Akaashi’s muffled voice from beneath where Bokuto was lying, “and it tastes like pomegranate aloe vera,”

Kuroo looked confused for a moment until Bokuto moved slightly, allowing Kuroo to have a peek of Akaashi’s messy black hair.

“Hey Akaashi’s under there!” Kuroo said excitedly, “and I’ve never had pomegranate aloe vera before so it can’t be that.”

“That’s what it tastes like to me,” said Bokuto.

“Nah it tastes like some sort of lolly,” said Kuroo thoughtfully as he took another sip.

“A pomegranate aloe vera lolly?” came Akaashi’s slightly less muffled voice as he moved slightly so that his eyes were visible but he was still mostly covered. Bokuto immediately started nuzzling him.

“I’m not sure that exists,” said Tsukishima and Akaashi sent him a slight glare.

“I’ll make it exist,” he promised.

“How will you make it?” asked Bokuto.

“With the juice,” said Akaashi.

“What, like you’ll freeze it?” asked Kuroo, “and give it to people like that?”

“Yeah,” replied Akaashi, “that seems like the simplest way.

“Won’t people catch on that its just ice and not really a lolly?” asked Tsukishima.

“Not if it never melts,” said Bokuto, “just make sure they keep it in the freezer.”

“What about when they take it out of the freezer?” asked Kuroo.

“Well you'd only take it out so you can eat it,” answered Akaashi, “and once they start eating it they won't be able to stop because it will be so delicious.”

“Why not just advertise it as an icy pole?” asked Tsukishima.

“No,” said Akaashi simply, “it has to be a lolly.”

Tsukishima finally looked up from the screen to stare scrutinisingly at Akaashi for a moment, before deciding to ignore that conversation and turning to Kuroo.

“These actually turned out pretty-“ he paused his comment about the photos taken mid sentence when he noticed what Kuroo was wearing, “is that my shirt?” he asked and Kuroo looked away form him guiltily.

“No…” he said in a small voice, “its clearly mine.”

“Since when did you start wearing shirts that are both too long and too tight?” asked Akaashi.

“Stop wearing my shirts!” complained Tsukishima, “you keep stretching them.”

“You don't mind when Akaashi does it!” defended Kuroo.

“That’s because Akaashi is both smaller and shorter than me,” replied Tsukishima, “he doesn’t stretch them with his ridiculous muscles.”

“I feel like I should be offended right now…” said Akaashi.

“Also he looks extremely cute,” added on Tsukishima, Akaashi didn’t look any happier at the compliment.

“You don’t think I look cute too??” asked Kuroo, looking extremely offended.

“No,” said Tsukishima heartlessly.

“I think you look cute!” said Bokuto, “you can wear my shirts if you like?”

“They’re not long enough,” sniffled Kuroo, “and they don’t smell like Tsukki.”

Bokuto looked thoughtful for a moment.

“What if I wear one of your shirts for a day while also wearing Tsukki’s cologne?” he offered, “Then you can wear it afterwards!”

“But then Akaashi will be left out…” said Kuroo, “also you’ll stretch my shirt.”

“Can you just hurry up and lie down with me?” groaned Tsukishima, “I’m cold.”

“You’re always cold,” grumbled Kuroo, but lay down beside Tsukishima and put his arm around him regardless.

“I know,” said Tsukishima into Kuroo’s neck, “it’s what I’m good for.”

“Why didn’t you just say you were cold?” said Bokuto, “I would’ve warmed you up!”

“Yeah but you’re too hot,” said Tsukishima, “You’re like a sauna.”

“Akaashi doesn't seem to mind,” said Bokuto, offended.

“Yeah but I think he might be dead,” said Kuroo, motioning towards the Akaashi lump. The little bit of hair and eyes poking out from beneath Bokuto moved slightly in what may have been a head shake but none of them could be sure. Bokuto sat up slightly to allow Akaashi to pop out.

“I’m good,” he said, “are you happy with the progress we made today Kuroo? How did the photo’s turn out?”

“Hmmm pretty well actually,” hummed Kuroo, “a lot less screaming and crying than I expected.”

“Hmm sounds like my first time,” sniggered Akaashi and Bokuto laughed.

“Or Kuroo’s more like,” he added, Akaashi looked thoughtful for a moment.

“Nah that would’ve been pretty unexpected,” he remarked.

“What, the amount of crying or the fact that it happened at all?” asked Tsukishima and Kuroo groaned.

“Can we stop ganging up on me now?” he asked.

“Oh come on, we did what you wanted all day,” said Tsukishima, “I’m sure you can handle a little bit of teasing now.”

“Also you earned it for all those short jokes you made earlier,” said Akaashi with a slight glare.

“Yeah it all worked out in the end! You cant tell me you weren’t happy with the purchase of those heels, I saw you checking out Suga’s ass,” reasoned Kuroo.

Eventually Suga had gotten tired of Oikawa leaning on his shoulder in their pictures together and had donned Akaashi’s shoes for himself. Leading to his shapely legs and butt becoming even moreso, and an incredibly red Daichi.

“Mmm that did work out fairly well,” conceded Akaashi, “better than when I tried.”

Immediately Kuroo started laughing aloud, whilst Bokuto tried to maintain his laugher and Tsukishima immediately started searching through the photos.

“Hold on, I know Iwaizumi got some photos of that,” Tsukishima remarked, still searching whilst Akaashi looked horrified.

“What no,” he said, “please tell me he did not.”

“Ah ha!” shouted Tsukishima triumphantly, “found them!”

The four of them had been trying to pose dramatically but Bokuto had attempted to lift Tsukishima up at the last minute, causing him to stumble into Akaashi. Which would probably have been okay had Akaashi not been unsteady because of the heels and leaning heavily on Kuroo, which caused him to fall down and drag the other three with him. With some truly impressive sequence shots Iwaizumi had managed to get before, during and after shots of the scene. Meaning there were three photos in a row, one of them looking fairly okay, the second of them all midair, and the third of them lying in a huge pile, Bokuto and Kuroo laughing hysterically, Tsukishima looking surprised and Akaashi just looking embarrassed.

“Why aren't you more upset by this?” Akaashi asked Tsukishima petulantly, “normally you’d be furious!”

“Yeah but you just look so cute,” said Kuroo while Tsukishima just nodded, “how could he even?”

“You know Kuroo I’ve been dealing with your shit all day now,” said Akaashi in a threatening tone. Kuroo just smirked at him.

“Oh? And what’re you going to do?” he asked with a small laugh, “you know you love me too much for retaliation.”

“Tybalt was the best character,” said Akaashi whilst staring murderously at Kuroo. Kuroo gasped.

“What the fuck,” he exclaimed, “you come into MY house!”

“This isn’t your house,” said Bokuto in confusion but was ignored as Akaashi barrelled on.

“Romeo and Juliet is the best love story ever told, Akaashi continued, “I’m definitely going to include it in my schooling curriculum, probably as the first Shakespearian text children encounter.”

“Excuse you!” began Kuroo, “for one, Romeo and Juliet shouldn’t even count as a story because it is just so awful. Secondly, using what is arguably the worst Shakespearian play as an introduction to his work is the number one way to make kids hate Shakespeare! Give them the Comedies instead! Save the tragedies for when they reach their final years of schooling and need to focus on the issues surrounding them, but use the Comedies at first so they can at least get used to the language!”

“Hm you’re right about Romeo and Juliet not being that great: it would’ve been better if Mercutio hadn’t been there.”

“Oh boy,” muttered Tsukishima with a glare towards Akaashi.

“Mercutio was the only saving grace for that entire godforsaken play!” Ranted Kuroo, “he’s honestly an icon of our time, he gets stabbed, like, literally stabbed, and is dying, but before he dies he thinks ‘hmm you know what would make this death better? If I cursed a bunch of people and made a pun’ and then you know what he does? He just fucking does it! Makes a pun and dies, that’s how I want to go. That's how everyone should want to go. He is truly a hero of our generation.”

“Hey spoilers!” said Bokuto and Tsukishima glared at him too. 

“And what was with that Leonardo Decaprio adaptation?” Akaashi continued relentlessly, “it didn’t even make sense.”

“Are you fucking… argh!” Kuroo’s voice rose tremendously, “that was the greatest adaptation! That movie is the only way anyone would sit through that play honestly and if you think for one second that-“

“Okay ENOUGH,” shouted Tsukishima, “you’ve both made your points now calm down!”

Kuroo and Akaashi glared at each other for a moment.

“…Hey can I have that third photo?” asked Bokuto, “I wanna make it my phone background.”

“…Yeah me too,” said Tsukishima with a guilty look towards Akaashi, who just glared.

“I hate you all.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi on [tumblr!](http://callingallbutterflies.tumblr.com/)


End file.
